Archive for the ‘ Lifestyle ’ Category

Online role-player actually has a social life

A man who plays Role-Playing games on the internet turns out to be fully capable of interacting in public, reports have shown.

Jason Jetson, 22, has been playing text-based “RP” games on internet forums under the username “JJ120” for the past five years, however this week it has been discovered that he actually has a steady job at a supermarket as well as even having the occasional night out with friends. This is a contrast to many of his Role-Playing peers who stay committed to their games.

Some other RP players have not taken the news well. RP fan jamesthekid told Flamenews “I’m a little hurt about this shocking revelation, if I’m being honest. I just feel betrayed at the idea that whilst me and Hacker09 were levelling up and finding weapons for the team, Jason was sneaking out and having a beer with his mates”.

Flamenews will keep you updated.


Local policeman is ‘a bit of an idiot’

A previously respect police officer has today been called an ‘idiot’ by a local villager, reports say.

Policeman Joseph Winston has been working in the police force for the last three years and has been responsible for 12 reported accidents and is known to have fallen out with most other staff.

Flamenews spoke to resident John Sampson who said “this man is a bit of an idiot. He turned up to my house after it had been burgled to investigate. I told him what had been stolen – my flat screen television – and instead of trying to look into it, he went on about how his cousin had only recently got hold of one after looking around for years. He then went and helped himself to some coffee (which he managed to spill over the carpet). This man should not be in such a high role.”

Despite his newly-earned reputation, Winston has been keep to help improve the police force. When interviewed by Flamenews he told of his recent suggestions, such as longer lunch breaks, and replacing sirens with Nickelback records so people are likely to move out of the way faster.

Flamenews will keep updated with details.

Rise in TV advertisement addiction

More and more people are being treated for addictions to television adverts, reports say.

There is currently no known cause for the issue, however some doctors are blaming the use of creative slogans and bright colours. Mental health expert Donna Tee told Flamenews – “modern day advertisements are too interesting for certain people, such as the children and the idiots, to ignore. As a professional I believe companies should return back to the days where advertisements were bland and boring.”

Not everyone agrees with this. Long time sufferer Aidan Lawson told Flamenews – “I just love the appeal of these advertisements. Every time I see the Andrex Puppy knocking toilet roll everywhere I have to rewind it on the Sky+ and watch it again. I honestly don’t know why.”

Doctors are continuing to research into the causes.

Google to launch mind-reading service

Web giant Google is to launch a new search feature which does not rely any typing.

The company recently launched “Google Instant” which means that a user will no longer have to click the search button to find results, but Google is looking to take search convenience to the next level.

This service, titled “Google Mind”, takes what a person is searching for and loads up the page for them, without them having to type a letter.

Google are launching a new search service. (© Google)

Google spokesman Wallace Johnson told Flamenews – “the service is truly revolutionary. At Google we are dedicated to making our search facilities easy for our users to make use of, and Google Mind makes it more convenient than ever to search for what you need.”

Due to the availability of information from inside the human brain Google will now be able to match targeted advertisements perfectly to the correct people.

Google Mind will launch October 19th.

Bass players actually ‘more awesome’ than guitarists

Bass players are actually more awesome than guitarists, new research proves.

Although previously thought to be the most awesome member of the band, it has turned out that actually the lead guitarist is not as awesome as the bass guitarist.

A bass guitar. Bass guitarists are now officially recognised as awesome.

Industry insider George Dawn told Flamenews – “It’s not really a shocking discovery. Whereas a singer or a lead guitarist needs to run and jump around on stage to be noticed, the bass player can just stand in his spot and play, making him awesome.”

This discovery has encouraged band The Party Play Band to try a new, bass heavy sound on their new album. Band frontman Ziggy Winston told Flamenews – “As we now know bassists are awesome, we have gone for a heavy bass sound, with all four of us playing bass instruments. Play this album through good speakers and it’ll feel like an earthquake!”

Flamenews will keep you updated.

Wikipedia used for school textbooks

Education materials company CheapSkayte are using Wikipedia for school textbooks.

The textbooks, aimed at 10-13 year olds, are said to be unique as most of the content was originally written by teenagers making it easier for the children to relate to. Instead of repeating facts already taught to the children by their teacher, children will learn interesting facts such as the following:

  • A stranger’s girlfriend was born on 4th September 1989.
  • Paul McCartney is dead.
  • Atlantic Records suck

The children will also learn which episode of the Simpsons each article was referenced in and how various members of the community reacted to various actions.

Computer mice ‘carry disease’

Computer users are being warned about diseases being carried by computer mice.

There has been a number of incidents of many different diseases being passed on from computer mouse to humans in the past few months. This is believed to be due to a lack of care being given to the mice, which leads them to obtaining contageous diseases.

Researcher Thomas Wilson told Flamenews “there is a worrying increase in lack of care for computer mice in modern times. As always, users are encouraged to clean their mouse regularly and ensure that it is in the correct functioning position.”

Killer: The computer mouse is prone to a number of diseases.

Wilson also said “Computer mouse users are also responsible for ensuring their mouse is regularly checked by a vet.”

Flamenews will keep you updated.